Kikyo's Delivery Service
by My God Can Beat Up Your God
Summary: Kikyo has an epiphany. Step one: Collect shikon shards. Step two: Sell them off to random demons. Step three: Profit.


**Disclaimer:** I do not own Inuyasha.

**Author's Note:**  
There will be no Kikyou bashing. There will be no Kagome bashing.  
There _might_ be some Inuyasha bashing.  
Ha, ha, ha.

The next three chapters—respectively titled "Step One", "Step Two", and "Step Three"—will be in more of a story type format compared to the prologue, so keep that in mind.  
I know there's like, sixty thousand or so Inuyasha fan fictions out there, so if you take the time to read this, you have my thanks! Review if you see fit to do so.

Side note: I have not abandoned 1000 Ways.

**Chapter One: Prologue**

Once upon a time, there was a miko. But, unlike other mikos, this priestess—whose birth name was Kikyou—happened to be dead. Yes, Kikyou was a _zombie_ miko. Now, one might argue that being holy and undead are contradictory and totally impossible.

Impossible? Hardly.  
Contradictory? Hell yes.

But that's okay, because everything about Kikyou is contradictory. One minute she's helping the bad guys, and the next minute she's shooting them in the back while throwing out some mysterious explanation for her actions that make no sense whatsoever.

Most seem to think her motives are shrouded in mystery.

But the truth?  
Kikyou has short term memory loss.

_"Kikyou-sama, Kikyou-sama!" Jim—one of Kikyou's minion soul stealers—flew swiftly towards his master, halting abruptly as he reached her. "The Inu-gumi are heading back towards Kaede's village. They'll reach it by midday. You wanted to speak with the hanyou...?"_

_"Yes..." Kikyou nodded solemnly, motioning for her soul stealers to follow her as she trekked through the woods._

_After an hour of walking at a leisurely pace, Kikyou suddenly stopped._

_"What is it?" Jim inquired, confused by Kikyou's behavior._

_"Where am I?" Kikyou blinked._

_There was silence._

_"Uh... in the forest..." Bob, another soul stealer, stared at his mistress._

_"Oh..." the miko lowered her head in thought. "And... what am I doing, exactly?"_

_Bob began to speak, but was interrupted by Susie—the last and slightly dim-witted soul stealer—who excitedly responded, "You were going to pick flowers! And then have a nice relaxing picnic in the meadow!" _

_The miko gazed thoughtfully at the female soul stealer. "I see."_

_..And so, Kikyou took a sharp left and began wandering towards the meadow._

Jim? Bob? _Susie?_  
Explanation, right?  
It's coming up.

In order to remain among the living, Kikyou needed to "fill the gap in her heart" so to speak. With other souls.  
Now, how was a poor, undead miko going to get souls? Why, that's simple!

Two words:  
Soul Stealers.

These suckers came out of hell with her, and they haven't parted ways since. Hey, Kikyou's dead, they're dead—what can I say? They've got a bond.

In the big cosmos of... dead people, Japan was fairly small in the mix, so it's not very surprising that her soul stealing companions happened to be named Attila, Genghis, and Cleopatra. For the purpose of this tale—and not to mention Kikyou's rather lax memory—we'll just call them Jim, Bob, and Susie.

_"Kikyou-sama!" Bob's florescent, ruby red eyes widened as he watched his master inhale another scrumptious soul._

_"T-this is inhumane!"_

_"Not to mention degrading!"_

_Kikyou stared at her two male 'companions' and downed another soul that Susie directed towards her. "I'm trying to care."_

_Jim and Bob gaped at the undead miko._

_"Men," Susie swished her serpentine body haughtily. "So, Kikyou's trapping souls! Who cares?"_

_"Yes. I'm sure they're just_ **dying** _to get into hell." Kikyou deadpanned, still absorbing souls._

_Bob snickered, and was promptly hit by Jim._

_"B-but... they won't be able to move forward and be reincarnated!" Jim argued._

_Kikyou turned around and fixed him with a blank stare that wordlessly seemed to say,_ "..What a dumbass."

_"My next reincarnation won't be until Kagome. That's five hundred years from now. Five. Hundred. Years." Kikyou glared. "I'm sure these few souls can wait a few months—kami forbid a year—before they burn in hell. "_

_Kikyou then gave a disdainful huff and sauntered off, her soul stealers pausing only momentarily before sighing and following suit._

So, what changed Kikyou from a kind-hearted, albeit cold and lonely woman into a vicious killing machine?  
...Or not.  
What I meant to say was, "into a vengeance obsessed cold-hearted miko".

Kikyou, when raised from the dead, was the embodiment of her last emotions on earth—revenge. Specifically targeted at Inuyasha. Hey, he _did_ kill her. What an asshole.

So, tra la la, Kikyou wandered around, thinking only of revenge, all thoughts centered around, "Die Inuyasha!", when suddenly her whole reason for existing is pulled out under her feet.

Inuyasha _didn't_ kill her. He was just as much of a victim as she was. The real culprit was Naraku, and her quest for vengeance was promptly redirected at him.

And even though Kikyou had a mind of her own, she died in a state of hatred and anger at Inuyasha. Fifty years in hell spent imagining rather gruesome ways of killing and dismembering said hanyou were hard to put of mind, even when Kikyo found out he didn't actually betray her.

Anyhow. Back to Naraku. His connection with Kikyou? Onigumo, that one hella ugly burn victim Kikyou could vaguely recall helping out, who kept leering at her every time she walked into the cave. What's her reward for kindness? Onigumo falls in "lust" with her and decides to kill her and her hanyou lover boy.  
Bored? Obviously.  
Moral of the story? Do not nurse psychotic, sick people back to health. Just let them die.

Soul stealing and one-eighty degree personality change aside, Kikyou still had a lot going against her. You know, the whole "let's give the shikon shards to Naraku!" thing, for example.

And her explanation for doing it _sucked._ Not just mild suckage, either—it sucked _ass._

There were, of course, different analyzations of why this particular act occurred.

**Kagome: **_"S-she took my shards! My shards! Mine!" Kagome was quaking in anger. "And she aimed a sharp, pointy arrow at me! That... that big meanie!"_

Okay, that was more of a "rant" than an "analyzing Kikyo's ulterior motives".

**  
Inuyasha: **_"She... uh... Kikyou was... I mean... uh..."_

...Thank you for that articulate explanation, Inuyasha. You can sit down now.

**  
Miroku: **_"Her motives are unclear and her actions unpredictable. We should be cautious..."_

...And thank you for stating the obvious, Miroku.

As we can conclude, only one thing was certain: no one knew what the hell Kikyou was thinking. Ever.

And no one—not even Jim, Bob, or Susie—knew what the priestess Kikyou was thinking when she decided to put "Steal Kagome and Naraku's shikon shards" in her top list of things to do.

(END PROLOGUE)


End file.
